We’ve all been there… Bitten our tongue, swallowed our pride, turned a blind eye or even been the bigger person and let it go! But what happens when you simply cannot bear to let a difficult conversation go un-conversed?
Putting it into context, let’s say at work, you get on well enough with your colleague but there is a fundamental personality clash that is now creating negativity and even preventing work getting done. In a really bad situation you are reduced to your former unconfident and constantly questioning self.
How about that client that you have worked with for a few months? You’ve passed the ‘break clause’, so you are now in the midst of a fair contract, but they always pay late. They are a really nice person and the company has great ethics, it’s just that their late payments cause a ruction in your cash-flow and at the end of the day, they should just pay on time…
Atmospheres become toxic, people become vulnerable to their feelings and relationships can break down, all for the want of having that difficult conversation you just don’t know how to start.
Personality differences
Now, we’re not talking ‘I’m vegetarian and you eat bacon in front of me’ kind of differences, we’re talking about neuropsychological differences, differences i.e. one of you is a natural sharer the other isn’t, one of you relishes confrontation the other takes it personally. You can ask any business or life coach for a neuropsycho test to find out what personality you are, you can probably find one on line (not the one which tells you which Hogwarts house you’re in!)
Lucy and I did one. We did them at different times in our careers, and did different styles, but when compared it confirmed something we thought we knew, but never really talked about. Lucy is a yellow person who is high energy and speaks out, looks for the big picture, a quick problem solver and quick to move on from the resolution to look for the next focal point. I on the other hand, am a ‘blue/green’ person who is low energy and listens. I focus on detail, like the cause of problems and occasionally think back on them looking for patterns. Lucy is an entrepreneur; a lion, and I am a worker – a meerkat if you remember our old blog: Are you an animal at work? Curating the best team!
These fundamental differences could easily be a recipe for disaster if we didn’t have difficult conversations along the way.
Imagine this; Lucy and I both want to bring new business into Push Start Marketing, she achieves it, I don’t - is Lucy better at networking than me, or do we have different methods of building relationships? Perhaps Lucy’s focus is on quickly solving the problem of wanting more business, maybe I am focussed on building a relationship and getting to know someone. Together our differences make up a complete package, but we are bound to notice our differences from time to time.
We’ve had difficult conversations. Lucy and I have been friends for ten years, worked together on the business for five. And how do we do it? Try to pick a moment when you’ll have time to have the conversation, as sometimes this is a can-of-worms-opener, and use our very simple intro; your version of, ‘this is difficult for me, so please bear with me when I say this…’ or, ‘this is going to be a really awkward conversation, but…’
That little sentence opener can be a life saver, whether you need to speak to your boss, your MD, your employee, your client or your supplier, even your spouse! Both parties are fully aware the hard news is not easy to deliver and so protective walls are lowered, and there is no going back – it has to be said.
Whichever way the conversation goes after that, the end result will always be a less toxic environment and the relationship will have deepened into a much more respectful one.
Or maybe it will help you decide to move on! Either way, you’ll feel better for having had it.